Fic - delayed onset, hold me to the light
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delayed onset
Why did I write this fic
It's me, I am the one with the crying kink, and I think Akaashi's crying scene was just SO good because he was crying just from sheer stress (which might be the sexiest reason to cry)... and it was so realistic how it just took a few kind words to set him off... And the way he never actually said a word about his feelings and stubbornly soldiered on to speak just like his usual self was so brave and cute... And his face was completely adorable how did Furudate sensei even draw such a cute crying face? AHHHH!!! But yeah then we got the new Where Monsters Go trailer and I was losing my mind that this scene is really gonna get adapted (although it's not even the part I'm most excited for!), and decided to write something related
Me and everyone else loves to think about Bokuto hugging Akaashi and he definitely does grab and touch him a lot in canon but he didn't at all in that scene. I love that detail.
What was it like writing
I have a suspicion that my Bokuto POV is not weird enough. But I also think he's not THAT weird. Rather than his mind having extra weirdness added in, it's just missing a few bits and bobs related to impulse control, attention span, embarrassment, emotional regulation, etc. It's easy to relate to and write someone who is guided by more basic desires and "id" rather than higher concepts. Taking off filters from my brain rather than adding them. I always found Meursault in The Outsider relatable for this reason too although he's the most extreme form.
Still, I found writing Bokuto hard because there was too much freedom. There is what's going on, things he notices, things he cares about, things he realises he should care about, etc. and there can be all sorts of mismatches between them. And you can display that with or without adding the extra layer of his self awareness. Worse is that there's these low hanging fruit of vaguely ooc funny moments which I am NOT always able to resist.
I wasn't really planning to include a sex scene, but then I thought it would feel too much like "PWP without the P" if I didn't have one, so I really committed hard and ended up trying to shove so much into this tiny little half a scene... so much stuff which doesn't feel relevant to the story but hopefully adds more enjoyment to the reading experience. It was a fun challenge writing sex from the pov of a character who seems so family friendly and sfw. Bokuto is one of the Haikyuu characters that gives the strongest impression of being designed as a role model for the younger readers. He's really strong and cool right, but he's also a good little boy with a healthy mindset and a love of learning. And adult Bokuto must be family friendly even in-universe. I don't believe a swear word ever leaves his mouth, he needs to keep clean for when he sees his fans!
hold me to the light
I'm happy with the song choice for this fic. I managed to insert some references to the lyrics and they provided important extra flavour. The sparks in the eyes!
Why did I write this fic
Especially while looking at doujins I had noticed that many BokuAka creators share my vision, that Akaashi would love and deserves to get facials from Bokuto, and I was touched that we were all on the same absolutely correct wavelength. I wanted to make my own contribution. As soon as I was finished with the outline I was like "damn, if I replaced all the porn with sfw moments, this would actually be a decent serious story", but then I remembered that I started with the thought "5+1 facials, LOL sounds awesome" and only did this for porn in the first place. Such is life.
I wanted to throw in the kitchen sink and cook up something really unhinged this time. I was definitely inspired by ao3 user elektro's Haikyuu fics, especially Match-making which I consider as a work of pure horny genius. It has probably the hottest bkak sex scene that I've seen in a fanfic even though most of it was eavesdropped from around a corner. Sometimes less is more (they said, after writing 10k of explicit details).
The plot was just whatever could make each facial more hot and different to the others. In hindsight, there's a reason most 5+1 fics are themed on something kind of abstract that you can express in different ways... I picked a really specific sex act... (facepalm) luckily, I ended up having an interesting idea for #3 and the rest of the story sat around that. The perk of 5+1 is how I could just toss in extra ideas that I was failing to use anywhere else (the start of #4 with their conversation on the way home and the clothed/naked stuff was the start of a different fic that I never figured out (it was originally from Akaashi's pov, goodbye to his mental essay about how armor is a form of bondage or something), and the +1 was a really boring standalone idea) and generally have a high kink to word ratio. I have a lot of things I want to be horny about okay.
I have a ban on pointing out the major flaws in my own work but let's just say I have extra extra regrets this time (the root cause is that I forgot I shouldn't write fics or make choices just based on being amused by some flippant idea[1]). But anyway still happy I could write a more unusual and (relatively) edgy bkak. Back when I wrote soft skill I was struggling with the conflicts because I like to imagine them as both caring so much, trying so hard, being so emotionally intelligent etc etc and being too perfect to have conflicts... but no, that just means when they do it should be really interesting.
What was it like writing
Bokuto POV again, I went in motivated to do better than last time characterisation wise and I thiiiink I did so. Although it is also toned down, much less "Boom! It's Bokuto!!!" because I wanted to get away from the family friendly vibe and wanted to be able to describe things with a wider range of language and techniques without sounding like I was breaking character. Saying that, I still lost my nerve and did a final pass at the end to remove some fancy words (sigh).
Since it was porn for porn's sake I pushed myself to make it a little more sexy, mostly by slowing down the pacing with... extra sentences about feelings and stuff... I have written a lot of E rated fics by now and people tend to not comment so much on the E rated parts of them. My ambition is to change that. My other ambition is to be able to control my pacing argh. At least I tried /a/ method of /some sort/ this time and had a learning experience.
I later realised that the part where Akaashi gives Bokuto a hug in #3 actually counts as aftercare. And then I realised maybe that's why I made Akaashi drop his polite speech at that point. Is their senpai kouhai dynamic part of the kink for them at this point???? Is this their kinky roleplay??????? You know even in canon it has such a particular flavour how Akaashi keeps going with the polite speech despite everything else about their relationship, is he enjoying himself a bit too much...???
No one has yet sent me hate about Bokuto being a total asshole and Akaashi being a pushover with no ability to set healthy boundaries for himself, but maybe they should. I mean, that's not what I was trying to write in the fic, but it WOULD be that if they were not freakishly perfect for each other. I spent a lot of time figuring out Akaashi's characterisation; in the first draft he was a little manipulative but nope, he is more in character as the pushover, the crazy one who stays for all the extra practice.